He never denied his admiration for this woman.
Maybe it was because of Mingzhu, or maybe it was because of those admirers, but he never really took women seriously. He always felt that although their talents weren't inferior to men's, they often had too many messy things in their hearts.
Except for a few, they weren't suitable for cultivation.
However, Mo Tiange was the only one he felt was special.
She was diligent. Even when her talent was extremely poor, she didn't feel remorse. Instead, she worked twice as hard as others. Even after she found out her talent was outstanding, she still didn't slack off. She was serious. Ever since he met her, he'd never seen her put her mind on other messy things. She only seriously cultivated and seriously walked her own path. She loved herself. Ever since she was a little Aura Refining cultivator with nothing to her name, if she wanted to go further on the path to immortality, she always worked hard on her own and never sold her own pride and self-respect. She also had some wisdom. Although she still made mistakes and took the wrong path, she always learned from them.
Ever since he met her, she was just an insignificant little cultivator in Kunwu, but she slowly grew to become a real elite disciple of a big cultivation group today.
Her efforts and persistence never changed, but her experience and way of dealing with things were growing.
Although he himself helped her a little, her talent and hard work were also undeniable.
In fact, in a way, she was very lucky.
He thought she had trash spiritual roots, but it turned out she was a genius. Moreover, she was favored by Deification cultivators and obtained some rare treasures.
However, her own efforts were worthy of this kind of result.
In fact, which of the cultivators who could reach this far weren't the result of hard work and luck?
His master could be considered unlucky. He had to rely on his own cultivation to make realm-breakthroughs, but he had many rare treasures for fights of magical power, and these were also the foundation of his status.
Martial Uncle Zhenyang, Martial Uncle Miaoyi, and Master Song Feng, who had a grudge against them — which one of them hadn't encountered fated chances and obtained rare treasures?
This included Qin Mu himself.
Everyone in west Kunwu said that Qin Shoujing was a rare genius in the Celestial Pole, but what was the truth?
He had dual spiritual roots. Even if both spiritual roots were excellent, how could he compare to those true geniuses with single spiritual roots or mutated spiritual roots?
Even if he was simple-minded and never encountered bottlenecks, it was still the same.
Before he built his foundation, it was indeed the result of his own efforts, but he also couldn't have done without his master's help.
After reaching the Foundation Establishment realm, he often went out, both to temper his mental state and to seek opportunities.
Because he felt that he could not rely on his master for the rest of his life.
His luck wasn't bad, and he was also alert enough. Therefore, he smoothly encountered many fated chances and obtained many spiritual treasures, including the Yang Spiritual Bead and the Three Yang Real Fire Sword.
He formed his Gold Core at the age of seventy-eight. Those who didn't know would be surprised that he, a cultivator with two spiritual roots, could reach this level. But in reality?
It was because he had obtained the Yang Spiritual Bead.
The Yang Spiritual Bead was a kind of unique treasure condensed from the spiritual aura of Heaven and Earth. In itself, it was condensed from extremely pure Yang spiritual aura. Although it was small, it had sucked dry a certain spiritual vein in Kunwu, turning it into an ordinary mountain peak without any spiritual aura at all.
Then, it was buried somewhere for tens of thousands of years before he found it.
Therefore, after obtaining the Yang Spiritual Bead, he didn't need to absorb Spiritual Qi from the outside world anymore, because in a way, he already had an entire Spiritual Vein inside his body.
Such a rare treasure allowed his cultivation to advance by leaps and bounds, allowing him to smoothly advance to the Core Formation realm at the mere age of seventy-eight.
However, if it was another person, would they definitely be able to obtain these treasures and encounter these opportunities?
Sometimes, even if there were opportunities and rare treasures in front of them, those who didn't work hard still wouldn't be able to obtain them.
Those who didn't know how to work hard but were always superior to those whose cultivation levels were higher than theirs because of their natural endowments or opportunities, or those who didn't work hard because they had outstanding natural endowments, would never understand these principles.
Therefore, from a certain point of view, he admired this woman because she allowed him to see himself.
His master told him that opposites or similar people would easily become curious about each other, and curiosity was the first step to developing feelings for each other.
He didn't believe it at first, but now he had no choice but to believe it.
When did he start to see her as a woman instead of a child?
Perhaps it was when he came to Xuanqing School and regained his original identity, or perhaps it was during those long thirty-five years.
He wanted to recall, but he found he couldn't remember clearly.
Sometimes, he even felt that these feelings seemed to have no reason at all and suddenly arose.
Because he admired her, he was curious. Because he was curious, he paid attention to her. Because he paid attention to her, he put more thoughts into his mind.
When he put more thoughts into his mind, in the end, he couldn't bear to let go.
Sometimes, when he carefully thought about it, perhaps it was because she had already grown up when they met, right?
Their meeting was seven years late, giving her enough time to grow up.
Therefore, in the beginning, although he still thought about this child, he was very clear in his heart that she had already grown up and wasn't a child anymore.
She regarded him as a cultivator in the same realm and would joke with him, share some of her experiences, and even talk about some of her worries.
This kind of relaxed and pleasant feeling made him happy.
The reason he subconsciously wanted to conceal his identity was also because he liked this feeling of equality between them.
He always felt that if he told the truth, the distance between them would suddenly become far apart, and she would no longer have that kind of trust in him.
He told Zhong Muling that if he didn't conceal his identity, she wouldn't stay at Xuanqing School.
Yes, this was one of the reasons.
At that time, she was like a bird startled by the twang of a bow. If she knew his true identity, she probably would've tried every means to escape, right?
She could trust Qin Xi a little, but she couldn't trust Qin Shoujing wholeheartedly, especially when she escaped like that back then.
When he saved her during the demonic beast riot, he didn't think too much about it. In the end, did he have any extra feelings for her at that time?
It seemed like too much time had passed, so he somewhat couldn't remember.
However, he was certain that at that time, he didn't have any thoughts of Dual Cultivation.
He wouldn't take a fancy to a cultivator who had just built her foundation, even if she was extraordinarily talented.
A gap of more than a hundred years was nothing in the eyes of cultivators, and he also wasn't related to her by blood.
Even he and her father were nothing more than companions. Although they were close friends, in reality, there was still a gap of more than a hundred years between them.
Was it because of seniority?
For cultivators, this was a problem that simply didn't exist.
There was only one thing he couldn't ignore — the gap between their cultivation levels.
※ ※ ※
He patiently pondered, searching for traces of the past in the depths of his heart, but he soon discovered that the reason was so simple.
He wasn't a transcendent being; the utilitarian nature of cultivators was deeply buried in his bones and blood.
Even if he had a good impression of her, he, Qin Shoujing, the future hope of Xuanqing School, wouldn't want to marry a woman who had just built her foundation and whose path to immortality was unknown.
These were the fragments he picked up when he recalled them today. Back then, he never thought about them.
Later, when he entered the Virtual Sky World and met those two Deification cultivators, he once again suffered that kind of humiliation.
He originally thought he was looking at her from a high place, so he had a bit of a good impression of her, but he couldn't convince himself to let go of his cultivation level.
As it turned out, in other people's eyes, he was only a furnace.
Furnace, these two words were the greatest humiliation to a man.
It was even more so for Qin Shoujing, who thought highly of himself and considered everyone beneath him.
Therefore, he cultivated like crazy, wanting to let those two know that he, Qin Shoujing, would be able to stand shoulder to shoulder with them, even surpass them, and eventually step into the Great Dao.
However, his master said that he'd entered his own demonic barrier and told him to think carefully about the innocence he had when he first started cultivating.
At that time, he didn't cultivate for any reason; he just wanted to cultivate, that's all.
Therefore, he didn't have any encumbrances or obsessions; he just cultivated wholeheartedly.
But now, he didn't.
These past few years, it wasn't that he didn't know his state of mind had changed. He was no longer the Qin Shoujing who didn't have any extra feelings, didn't know the taste of obsessions, had a pure heart and few desires, and had a pure Dao Heart.
However, once he changed, how could he return to his original innocence?
He tried to calm himself down, and thus, he went into seclusion for thirty-five years.
In these thirty-five years, he had actually fallen into the trap he set up, and in the end, he firmly trapped himself.
The more he wanted to prove himself, the more he loved her in his imagination. Thus, he was plagued by obsessions, and the demonic barrier was difficult to get rid of.
Today, he slowly sorted out these thoughts that he had never thought about in the past from the corners of his memories, no matter how difficult it was to speak of these thoughts of the past.
He originally thought that he would be like this for the rest of his life, immersed in the Dao of Immortality, lonely all his life, and finally stepping onto the supreme Great Dao.
Or perhaps, he would truly fall in love with a woman, no matter what her identity or status was, accompanying her until the end of his life and passing away together.
However, as it turned out, he wasn't as pure and simple as he thought he was, and he wasn't as noble and virtuous as he thought he was.
He developed feelings for a woman, but because he was limited by his cultivation, he enjoyed the feeling of superiority from looking down on her.
Because his self-esteem and this feeling of superiority had been violated, he cultivated madly so that he could look down on her again.
Why did he have such a dark mood?
Perhaps it was because he couldn't let go of her, but he couldn't let go of his laughable self-esteem even more. He didn't want to admit that he was the one who had fallen in love first.
Or perhaps, he had always been so utilitarian, no different from those other cultivators.
Master was right. He had entered the demonic barrier, thinking that if he focused on cultivating until he reached the Nascent Soul realm, he would be able to break away from these unspeakable darkness.
But in reality, this was just putting the cart before the horse.
However, even if he understood his own heart, he still wouldn't say these words now.
If he said them now, how was it different from wanting to use her?
If he couldn't form a Nascent Soul, he wanted to obtain her so that he could break away from his obsession and smoothly form a Nascent Soul?
He didn't want to do such a lowly thing, and he wasn't even willing to have the slightest bit of relationship with her.
This was the last bit of perseverance he could achieve after admitting to all his darkness.
The Great Dao of Immortality, in the end, had to be walked by oneself. How could he place his hopes on unorthodox methods?
Even if he loved her, cultivating to become an Immortal was still his lifelong wish.
And she, in all likelihood, wouldn't want a relationship that was mixed with utilitarian feelings.
Therefore, if she loved him, if she couldn't let go, then she would wait until he formed a Nascent Soul and she formed a Gold Core. Then, she would simply ask, "Are you willing to explore the Dao of Immortality together?"
If she was willing, then his long-cherished wish could be fulfilled. If she wasn't willing, then he wouldn't have any fate in this lifetime.