"Phew... Phew... Phew..."
The wind outside the window kept blowing at the curtains. It was as if there were black shadows wandering around outside the window.
Under the night sky, outside the window, who exactly was standing?
Perhaps..,
Most people had this kind of speculation when they were young, and they also had similar doubts.
Zhu Shengnan opened her eyes and lay on the bed.
She had her own separate room,
Her own big bed,
Her own wardrobe,
Her own dressing table,
She had..,
A very good home.
In the entire China, if one were to make a statistic, the number of women named Shengnan would be an astonishing number.
The parents themselves might not think much of it,
But this name itself carried a kind of oppression. Even the owner of this name would subconsciously hate their own name.
It was as if their own birth, as if their own gender,
For their parents' family,
It was a kind of helplessness,
It was a kind of sigh that had no choice but to accept their fate,
They wanted a son,
But they gave birth to a daughter,
In desperation, they gave birth to the name "Shengnan",
It could be considered a kind of "self-deception" by parents.
Because of the construction of ethics and morality, humans were able to distinguish themselves from animals and slowly break away from the sequence of all things
But there were two sides to everything. The distortion of ethics and morality would often become a side effect and begin to harm humans themselves.
It was five o'clock in the morning,
Zhu Shengnan woke up early,
But she didn't know what to do.
She was six years old this year, and she was originally the age to go to kindergarten. However, her family didn't let her go to kindergarten. Instead, they hired a private tutor to teach her at home.
She didn't resist, and she didn't know how to resist.
She couldn't sleep, and the sky wasn't bright yet,
She wouldn't quarrel or make a fuss,
She had a home,
But this home, the light was a little dim,
She didn't know what she could do at this time,
Watch TV?
Read comics?
Go to her parents' room and crawl into their bed to act coquettishly?
She just leaned against the headboard and sat. She kept sitting.
She sat until the sky began to brighten.
Footsteps came from downstairs. It should be her grandmother who had woken up and was preparing breakfast for the family.
She also got up,
Put on her clothes,
Wash up,
After tidying herself up,
She slowly walked downstairs.
"Shengnan, come, eat."
"Okay, Grandma."
Shengnan didn't sit at the dining table,
Instead, he stood in the doorway of a small room at the corner of the living room.
Grandma came up with a tray with porridge and chopsticks on it.
The so-called meal,
He was not asking her granddaughter to have breakfast with him.
It didn't matter whether a person ate or not, and it didn't matter whether a person was hungry or not.
Bodhisattva must never be indebted.
Grandma carefully placed the tributes on the table, then knelt down on the futon in front of her and kowtowed devoutly.
In Zhu Shengnan's memory, Grandma didn't believe in Buddhism. She didn't know when she started to believe in it.
After kowtowing,
Grandma stood up and reached out to grab Zhu Shengnan's wrist.
Grandma took out the needle, inserted it into Zhu Shengnan's arm, and drew half a tube of blood.
Then, Grandma poured her granddaughter's blood into the wick.
Zhu Shengnan didn't know where her grandmother had learned this method from, but she liked it very much. Compared to drawing blood, some other methods would make her feel more uncomfortable.
Grandma knelt down again. She began to worship again, but this time, she was worshipping the painting under the altar.
In the painting,
There were two ghost servants, and in front of them was a boy doll.
Grandma was praying piously, muttering to herself.
Zhu Shengnan looked at the painting. She had seen this painting countless times.
Many days and nights, Grandma held a whip, or Dad held a cigarette butt, or simply let her hit herself,
Right in front of this painting,
It meant that the two ghost servants in this painting saw it.
She said,
As long as she was like this,
Dad could have a son.
That's right,
Dad wanted a son,
Grandma also wanted a grandson.
They wanted the kind of boy doll in the story,
The structure below was different from her own.
Zhu Shengnan knew that she was a completely redundant role in this family. From the moment she was born, she had been redundant until now.
She forgot whether she had ever cried or not,
She was also confused whether she had ever cried or not,
If this was a besieged city,
Then it didn't have a door for you to enter and exit at all.
The people outside the city couldn't see inside,
The people in the city couldn't go outside either.
Humans couldn't decide which family they were born into. Once they were born, they had no choice.
After the Bodhisattva finished eating,
It was time for people to eat.
Zhu Shengnan sat at the dining table, and Grandma served her porridge.
On the table, there were small buns and pickled vegetables. There was no lack of eggs and milk.
Except in that small room,
Grandma was very good to her,
She cared about what she ate,
She cared about what she wore,
She cared about herself,
She was very considerate of herself,
It was as if she was taking good care of her precious baby,
Zhu Shengnan remembered,
Grandma used to be a pig farmer, which was why she supported her father to go to college and work.
Her father came down. He sat at the table and smiled at Zhu Shengnan. Then, he asked,
"Has Bodhisattva eaten?"
"Yes, I have," Grandma replied.
"Okay."
Her father ate casually and got up to go to work. Before he left, he specially said, "I won't be coming back tonight."
"Okay, don't come back."
Zhu Shengnan knew that her father was going to stay with another woman tonight.
This one thing..,
Grandma also knew.
He wanted a son..,
She wanted a grandson..,
The mother and son had the same goal.
Her mother gave birth to her first child..,
After that, when the ultrasound was done for three consecutive births, they were all girls, and they all miscarried.
In fact, a long time ago, the country had stipulated that doctors were not allowed to reveal the sex of the baby during ultrasound.
But the rules were always good, and the original intentions of the higher-ups were always good,
However..,
It was not machines that enforced the rules, but people.
Even though the rules were like this, there were countless examples of people planning to have an abortion when they found out that their wife was pregnant with a daughter.
Perhaps..,
It was also a kind of luck.
If those baby girls were born into a family that would have an abortion if they knew that they were baby girls, it would have been better for them to leave early and wait for the next reincarnation.
It was a straightforward end at the beginning. Compared to the treatment and injustice they would suffer after they were born, it did not seem to be a bad thing.
But Zhu Shengnan knew..,
Her father already had many women outside..,
Several women were pregnant..,
But they were still all girls, and they were all aborted.
Her father was a dentist..,
He asked his woman to have an abortion. It was as straightforward as pulling out a patient's tooth.
Without a son, no matter how many daughters they had, it would be meaningless for them.
This was a kind of obsession..,
A kind of obsession that seemed very unbelievable to outsiders.
After her father left, her mother came down.
Her mother's hair was a little messy,
Her spirit was not very good.
Zhu Shengnan was a little afraid of her mother,
Especially when she and her mother were sitting at the same table.
"Pa!"
"It's so hot!"
Her mother was scalded by the porridge,
She overturned the bowl of porridge, and the hot meat porridge splashed on Zhu Shengnan's body.
Zhu Shengnan's body trembled slightly. She did not cry out in pain. In fact, she did not even pay attention to it.
Her mother did it on purpose,
She knew..,
Her mother did not like her and hated her.
She felt that the culprit behind her family's current situation was Zhu Shengnan.
If she was a boy, her mother would still have a happy family.
"This broom child, I get angry when I see her!"
Her mother picked up her chopsticks and started to whip Zhu Shengnan.
Zhu Shengnan just sat there, not moving, letting her whip.
Whip,
Although the chopsticks hurt,
But compared to using a cigarette butt, scissors, and a knife to scrape her body,
It was nothing.
Grandma just sat there, quietly chewing the steamed bun in her mouth,
At this moment, Grandma..,
Was like Jia Mu in the Dream of the Red Chamber,
High above, he looked down at the fight below.
Breakfast was over,
Her mother went upstairs again. Three consecutive miscarriages made it impossible for her to continue her pregnancy, and it also caused a huge blow to her spirit. She locked herself at home all day long.
And she herself knew..,
Her husband..,
Was still doing it for a boy..,
Outside..,
On other women..,
Working hard.
When people watch TV dramas, they often feel that it is absurd. They always feel that such a thing could not happen in reality.
But in reality..,
The stories that happen in reality are often more like TV dramas than TV dramas.
Many of the lower limits of human beings are more terrifying than the madness of artists.
The private tutor came,
During the day..,
It was class.
At night..,
The private tutor left,
Grandma called her:
"It's time for dinner."
Zhu Shengnan came down. She stood obediently at the door of the small room.
Grandma opened the door and walked in with her.
A blade appeared in grandma's hand,
She took off her clothes.
Another wound appeared on her body, and blood began to flow out.
Grandma knelt on the ground and began to cry. She hugged her and cried.
"My poor granddaughter, alas..,
God, open your eyes, alas..,
My poor granddaughter, alas..,
My precious baby, sigh … "
Grandma often cried,
She felt that by crying, she could move Bodhisattva and the two people in the painting.
It was like crying souls at funerals in the countryside. When the sisters-in-law who had been talking and laughing before went in, they would immediately cry "Earth-Shattering". Grandma had also inherited this skill.
She said that Bodhisattva was busy. If you didn't shout louder, she wouldn't be able to hear you clearly.
If she couldn't hear you clearly, she wouldn't care about you.
Zhu Shengnan looked at her grandmother, who was kneeling on the ground with her arms around her,
She looked in front of her again.
Suddenly..,
She saw the two people in the painting seem to have moved. Yes, they moved.
One of them seemed to be smiling at her.
She immediately shouted:
"Grandma, the people in the painting are moving."
She was happy,
They were even jumping for joy.
Perhaps..,
When Dad and Grandma's matter was settled,
She would be able to escape this numb life, right?
The hardest thing to extinguish and kill was often fantasy.
"Pa!"
Grandma slapped Zhu Shengnan in the face.
She scolded: