When Mingde walked into the Imperial Study, Qianwandi was looking up at the screen hanging on the inner wall.
It was a huge, continuous snow-white silk screen that stretched for thirty feet. The late Emperor had personally drunk wine and splashed ink, taking advantage of his pleasure to outline the beautiful landscape that stretched for thousands of miles.
From the basin of the Central Plains to the secret land of Nanjiang, from the snow-capped mountains of the Northeast to the border of the West, the long scroll was incisive and vivid. The emperors of later generations could see it all when they raised their eyes.
Mingde closed the door behind him and quietly walked behind him to look together.
Qianwandi tilted his head to look at him, raised his hand and pointed at the upper right corner of the screen, and said, "Look, this is where you want to go."
Mingde lowered his head, "I am afraid."
"This is the Mountain Sword Pass. Since ancient times, the Xi Wan Kingdom's army did not hesitate to use a large number of men and horses to break through from here and directly inserted into the hinterland of Beijiang … Wherever they went, the flames of war spread for thirty thousand miles, the plague ran rampant, and not a single blade of grass grew."
"Mingde," Qianwandi asked faintly, "do you know what I mean?"
Mingde bowed, "I thank Your Majesty for your concern."
"You may be assassinated by Zhuo Yu's assassins, you may be infected with the plague, you may die from the serious infusion of corpses, you may simply be unable to bear the fatigue of the carriage and die of illness …"
"What's wrong with the palace?
Do you think that if you go out, you will be free of me?
From now on, you will be free, won't you? "
Qianwandi grabbed Mingde's shoulder. He was taller than Mingde, but he did not bend down.
Mingde heard the creaking sound of his shoulder bones, making him feel as if he was about to be lifted up.
"Mingde," Qianwandi said in a low voice, "rather than letting you die outside, it's better to take you with me into the Imperial Mausoleum when I die."
Qianwandi only felt a gust of wind blow in front of his eyes, followed by a crisp slap, and a burning pain on his face.
The slap stunned him. By the time he reacted, Mingde had already gracefully retracted his hand and retreated half a step. He raised his head slightly and looked at him coldly. "You also know that I won't have a place to live after you die?"
Qianwandi simply froze in place.
"Every day, you think about how to kill your own son. Every day, you think about how to depose your own wife. You can strangle your wife to death, you can exterminate nine generations of a person's family, you can poison your own father's tea, and you can detain your nominal mother … You can even do this to your family and friends. What is my relationship with you?
Do you know how many people would immediately pounce on me and kill me if you ever get tired of me? "
Mingde's voice was very calm, so calm that it was almost cold.
In that instant, Qianwandi wasn't angry, only puzzled.
He looked at Mingde, as if he couldn't understand what he was saying at all.
"When you were alive, I had to fight to the death with those people in the imperial court. In the imperial harem, there was Zhao Rong, Concubine Xian, and a bunch of other women. In the imperial court, there was Zhao Mengshan, Wang Chongjun, and the Ding Family who made things difficult for me. Because of you, I had to hide in the Shangguan Family for so many years. I didn't live like a human or a ghost … At this point, you actually say you love me?"
From when Li Ji was born, to when he grew up, to when he became the Crown Prince, to when he ascended the throne, no one had ever spoken to him like this.
The last person who dared to speak to him like this was already dead, and the next one hadn't been born yet.
The excessive shock and puzzlement made him forget his anger. He even felt that all of this was unreal, absurd and inconceivable.
In his confusion, he couldn't understand anything. Mingde said so much, but it didn't leave any impression in his mind. Only the words "you actually say you love me" echoed in his mind for a long time.
… Did I say I love you?
Li Ji recalled in a daze.
No.
Never.
This sentence was too straightforward. It was like exposing the softest and most defenseless belly of a ferocious beast. Anyone could kill it with a single strike.
Mingde took half a step back. He forced himself to suppress his emotions, even though his voice couldn't help but tighten.
"I've had enough, Li Ji.
I want one day, when you get tired of me and abandon me, I want to be able to stand in front of these courtiers and people with a dignified identity!
I can't stand being abandoned by you one day and being bullied by others!
I've had enough of this kind of life. Any official, any concubine, or any wife can show off in front of me. I won't stand it anymore! "
He didn't know that he looked like a child who was shouting to adults that he had grown up and could be independent on his own. Qianwandi looked at him a little at a loss. There was even a bit of timidity in his eyes, which condoned Mingde's irritation even more.
Shangguan Mingde had always been an irritable and even violent person. His temper had never been good.
"If it weren't for you, I would have moved out of the Shangguan Family long ago!
If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be like this now, dragging a half-dead body and scheming for the rest of my life every day!
Do you think I want to go to the battlefield where the plague runs rampant and build a so-called military merit to establish myself? "
Qianwandi didn't know what to do and reached out to grab him. But Mingde struggled fiercely, as if he was a poisonous and dirty thing, avoiding him in horror and disgust.
"But …" Qianwandi shook his head with difficulty. "If you don't want to go to the Northern Border, I have a way …"
"Then let me stay in the Imperial Palace. I'll live as long as you like it. If you don't like it one day, just send me to my death with a cup of poisonous wine and three feet of white silk, just like the previous Emperor and Empress Mingrui?"
Qianwandi wanted to walk towards him, but Mingde suddenly turned around and left with a flick of his sleeves.
He tried to smash the door bolt, but the delicate door lock of the Imperial Study was stuck and couldn't be opened for a while. Qianwandi rushed over and grabbed him.
"Mingde, Mingde," he asked in a low and hurried voice. "How did you know … how did you know … that I love you?"
A sweet secret that he kept in his arms uneasily, afraid of being discovered and at the same time looking forward to being discovered. Even the high and mighty Emperor couldn't avoid that kind of secret and uneasy mentality.
He knows that I love him … How did he know?
When did I show it?
Did he understand it?
When and in which instant did he understand that I like him?
To what extent did he understand it?
Did he realize that I actually treat him like a treasure?
A little bit of fearful expectation secretly sprouted in Xiao Ya's mind. Xiao Ya silently warned the Emperor of the Heavens and Earth. Even if he knew, would he … misunderstand?
Qianwandi really didn't know what to do.
He had learned a lot. When he was still a concubine-born prince, when he worried day and night in the Eastern Palace whether or not he would be dethroned by his own father, when his mother secretly hired a grand tutor to teach him how to protect himself and how to rise to the throne … He had indeed learned a lot, but in the education he received, there was nothing that taught him how to love someone.
And it was to love a bad-tempered, haggling, and willful little fellow.
He could write a dignified and impeccable imperial edict, but he didn't know how to speak properly to this flustered and exasperated little fellow.
His usual pattern was: You just have to be obedient and obedient, then you can get what you want.
Other than this pattern, he didn't know any other way to express his love.
Outside the tall palace window, the sound of swallows flapping their wings softly came from the treetops.
A glimmer of light spilled on the expensive exotic carpet, silently reflecting between the two of them. The ambiguous light and shadow outlined Ming De's silent side profile, making it seem especially silent.
It seemed like a long time had passed, so long that time seemed to stop. In a daze, Mingde's voice was a little sluggish, as if there was something hard stuck in his throat, making people want to cry.
"Li Ji … I believe that you love me, but I also believe that you once loved your father, your mother, your first wife, your newborn son …"
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"I don't want to end up like them. At least one day when you no longer love me, I don't want to be killed by you …"
"… Maybe one day when I have military achievements and capital, I will come back. At that time, I will learn to trust you more …"
Maybe at that time, there will be a difference between us?
Li Ji knelt on the carpet, looking down, he could see the exquisite and dark patterns.
He heard Mingde's footsteps leave, as if the door of the imperial study opened and closed. He sat in this position, not moving at all for a long time.
Dusk gradually closed in and the afterglow dimmed. Gradually, the Imperial Study Room could no longer be seen.
The darkness flowed, swallowing people, as if they could never escape.